53 Things to do When You're Bored in Cackle's
by Nic Neptune
Summary: Making hanus Facebook Pages of the teachers, Prank Calls, Spin the Bottle Magic Version, Teacher Poker, Impersonating famous TV personalities and getting drunk is only some of what they get up to! I do not own the Worst Witch. R&R appreciated!
1. Prank Calls

_**Hey y'all! This is my first fanfic of this account (used to have an old one when I was younger with worse stuff lol!). I was watching the show last night and just came up with the idea: "If I were bored, what would I do in Cackle's Academy?" So this is a fic of my ideas! I have another fifty two ideas for after this one. So would you please review and maybe come back to read chapter two when I post it? It's funnier than this one! Thanks! Hope you enjoy! =) Please review! If you do, I'll give you a cookie! .**_

_**Quick note: Apologies if I write in this kind of form: Action, dialogue, action, dialogue, etc. I've been writing scripts for the past six months and am just adjusting to writing in this book format again. Being narrative is something which I've been out of practice on for quite a while. =)**_

_**Chapter 1:**_

_**Prank Calls**_

The sun is bound for its setting stage at Cackle's Academy on a chilly Saturday in the month of November and the atmosphere in Cackle's Academy is nothing that doesn't live up to its expectations. Miss Hardbroom the scary, tall, dark and skinny teacher storms through the corridors like train on tracks, holding her lantern as usual, seeking out girls who are breaking the rules or trying to have a good time.

Truth is Miss Hardbroom isn't in the best of moods. Well, is she ever? She sometimes gets into a mood, so peevish, that even two second years, Fenella and Griselda, know not to mess with her. They know even not to sneak out of their rooms into the library to have their usual evening read.

The usual structure of these evenings was that once Miss Hardbroom had passed their rooms, they would quietly sneak to each other's rooms. This wasn't against the rules. The only reason that the girls generally stayed bound between four walls and a non-glassed windows was because Constance Hardbroom was a force to be reckoned with, and when she wasn't in the mood to be bumping into girls scurrying through the corridors then you knew better than to cross paths with her.

Most students accepted this general rule, without argument, who would be brave enough to take on Constance Hardbroom? But this particular Saturday, two girls had, had enough, two girls who without rebelling or reading drove them insane, Fenella Feverfew and Griselda Blackwood.

"I am soooo bored!" Griselda moans as she hurls onto her bed. She sighs as she stares up at the damp ceiling. Fenella is sitting beside her reading a book. She smirks as she closes it and turns to face her friend.

Fenella was quite used to Griselda when she was bored. Itching to cause trouble and have a laugh. Being mischievous was like a drug to Griselda, when she couldn't indulge, her relapse symptoms would include moping around, moaning and being a little annoying.

"So am I," Fenella replies sombrely.

Usually amused by Griselda when she's in that type of mood, she too was feeling the pong of monotony in the air and was two itching to create trouble for themselves.

"Can you think of anything we could do?" Griselda moans as she sits up and rests her head on Fenella's shoulder, like a child does when it's feeling restless or can't get what they want and are sucking up.

"Um...I suppose we could check on Millie and the gang to see what they're up to."

"Hmmm...good idea. At least if they're bored too Millie might do something stupid to entertain us."

Fenny smirks as she stands up. She stretches her body a little, indicating that she'd been sitting down a while. Griselda gets up slowly and both girls approach the door.

****

IN MILDRED'S BEDROOM

The boredom bug of Cackle's Academy hasn't broken its way into Mildred Hubble's gang quite yet, for Ruby yet again has created another contraption, and for the girls, this one is her best yet. Perhaps it's lucky for them that they're emotionally blackmailed into being held captive in a bedroom, for HB will not be taking this off Ruby.

"So who are we gonna call?" sighs Enid. It's apparent that they've been debating for some time.

"I don't know. The only people I can think to call are my parents," says Millie softly.

"Oh grow up! That's no good!" snaps Enid.

"Well have you got any better ideas?" Millie snaps back.

They argument is interrupted by three slow, melodic thumps on the door.

"Hide it, quick!" exclaims Ruby in a whisper as they scurry around the room.

It appears that they don't quite know where to hide it. After a minute or so they settle for putting it into the drawer beside Mildred's bedside table. Once it's safely out of sight Mildred mopes over to the door, wearing a guilty expression on her face, though it quickly turns to a smile once she opens the door.

"Oh Fenny, Grizz, sorry, we thought you might be a teacher! Come on in!" Millie smiles.

The two girls give each other their signature smirk before walking in. As they're walking in Ruby pulls out her invention.

"What's that?" asks Grizz, looking intrigued at the shiny hand-held machine.

"It's a mobile phone. I powered it so it would generate energy from solar power, and I managed to hack into a signal, so I can call people free of charge," Ruby smiles proudly, walking over to Fenny and Grizz.

She hands it to Grizz and she checks it out. She smiles as she looks over the phone. **A/N: It's not as small as today's phones but it'd be close enough. Think of the size of a handheld, landline phone. =) **

"That's so cool," Grizz says, handing it back to Ruby.

"Thanks, but we still haven't decided who to call with it yet."

"You know that the school got a new phone yes?" Fenny says, looking at Grizz.

"Yeah," she grins, with ideas filling her head judging by her facial expression.

"Let's prank call the school."

"Oh yes! Why didn't I think of that!?" exclaims Enid.

"No, we can't!" Millie cuts in.

"Oh, why not!? You're always the same!" snaps Enid.

"They'll recognise us and take the phone! You know they will!"

"Oh no they won't, we've got just the thing," Grizz cuts in before the argument becomes loud enough for HB to hear.

"What is it?" asks Millie.

"A voice changing potion. We can assume the voice of anybody we like. They'll never guess it's us," Fenny says.

"Shall I go get it then?" Grizz asks.

"Yeah," replies Fenny.

****

Once Grizz arrives back with the potion, Fenny drinks it immediately. She then dials a number into the phone, and Ruby presses a button to ring it.

"Who are you gonna be?" asks Maud.

Fenny shakes her head and smirks.

Ruby quickly presses a button so that they can all hear what's being said on the other end.

"Cackle's Academy, Miss Cackle speaking, how may I help you?"

"Ah good day Miss Cackle!" Fenny says in the voice of the Grand Wizard. They all try to suppress laughter.

"Oh, Your Honour! I wasn't expecting you to call! How may I help you?"

"I was actually wondering if you could connect me to Miss Hardbroom?" she asks.

**A/N: I'm referring to the Grand Wizard voice as Fenny, so I'll be saying "she". **

"Oh...why yes of course Your Honour," Miss Cackle replies, sounding confused and perhaps a little disappointed.

Miss Cackles puts down the phone and we hear a door opening.

"What are you doing!?" Grizz whispers in exclamation.

"You'll see," replies Fenny, grinning again.

There are another few moments of silence and then the phone is picked up.

"Hello?"

"Ah, good day Miss Hardbroom! It's me, Egbert Hellibore."

"Oh, your Honour, how may I help you?"

"I was hoping to talk to you about...school _affairs_," she replies, trying to suppress laughter like the rest of the girls.

"Yes, of course Your Honour. How may I be of service?"

"Well, I was wondering about um...ideas?"

"Ideas? What sort of ideas are you contemplating, Your Honour? Might it be best we meet for such a conversation? And perhaps include Miss Cackle in our negotiations?"

Fenny almost breaks down in laugher but manages to compose herself.

"Yes that would be best...though I find, at times, Miss Cackle can be a little bit demanding".

"Really? Well, I find her quite laid back."

"Miss Hardbroom! I'm amazed you and Miss Cackle have been acquainted with each other on that level!"

"Really? Well I am the deputy head; she pays me to do it."

"Miss Hardbroom! I never knew you were into that type of thing!"

Fenny holds the phone away from her for a moment as she starts laughing. The rest of them do the same. It appears they've just gotten the joke. And judging by a few of their facial expressions, they're a little bit disgusted at the thoughts.

"Your Honour, we are speaking of academics, yes?"

"Oh! Uh...of course! I knew you meant that!"

"Your Honour, excuse me if I'm incorrect but I sense something atypical going on. What was the purpose of your call?"

"I was wondering did you have any free time today. So we could communicate in person."

"For what purpose do you wish to meet me, honesty this time, if you may?"

"Well, I was wishing to court you."

Most of the girls cover their mouths and bend over, laughing quietly. Griselda looks as if she's about to burst into tears from laughter.

They all can't suppress their laughter for much longer. Fenny puts her hand over the part of the phone you speak into. She smirks and shushes them all.

"...I...I...I don't know what to say," speaks Miss Hardbroom like she's just seen a ghost.

"So, are you interested? If you wish, we could bring Miss Cackle."

"...How dare you, Your Honour! Frankly, I expected way more from you! What would make you think I'd wish to court you!! Or Miss Cackle for that matter! You have been way out of line! Goodbye!"

The phone hangs up. They all explode with laughter. So much so, the room begins to shake.

"Oh, my God!!!!" Grizz exclaims.

"That was brilliant!" exclaims Jadu.

"Extreme!" adds Maud.

"How's she gonna react when she sees him next?!" asks Ruby.

"Well, I don't wanna be around for it," Millie says.

"I do!" Fenny and Grizz exclaim in unison.

Then the bell rings for assembly.

"You don't think they know it was one of us, do you?" Millie asks worriedly.

"Nah, how would they know?" Enid says as she heads towards the door.

They all slowly get up, a few holding their stomachs, most likely from laughter and slowly make their way out the door.

****

They are all sitting in the assembly hall, chatting. After a few moments Miss Cackle stands up.

"Girls, girls. Quite please. I've called you all here this evening to make a fantastic announcement. I just received a letter from the Grand Wizard and he's announced that he's coming to give you all a talk. I want to relay that you should all be on your best behaviour when he's here."

Fenny and Grizz, who are sitting next to each other as usual, start laughing quietly to themselves.

"He didn't tell us what the lecture would be on, but it must be a good surprise, he never mentioned a thing on the phone. Did he, Miss Hardbroom?"

Miss Hardbroom suddenly looks pale again.

"No, he didn't," she says sharply.

"Okay then, please return to your dormitories and we'll see you for supper today."

Everybody gets up and the gang gather together.

"Well, looks like our wish will come true after all," Grizz smirks.

"It wasn't a little bit cruel was it?" asks Maud.

"After what she's put me through since I got here! No way!" exclaims Millie.

They all laugh again.

"Fenny and I are going to the library while Miss Hardbroom is distracted. Anyone wanna come?"

"No thanks," they all say.

"See you later then," Fenny and Grizz both say as we walk away. Griselda apparently in a much better mood than before.

_**Okay, well that's chapter one! Just so you know, all of this story won't be innuendos. That'll only be this chapter actually. The next ones will contain some slapstick humour, verbal humour and situation humour. =) The next chapter will be titled opposite day which is a combination of a game I used to play with people when I was ten & eleven, combined with supernatural for some hilarious comedy! Please, please review, I'm dying to know what people think of this! I'll be updating soon! Thanks all! .**_


	2. Opposite Day, Part I

_**Hey y'all! Thank you all so, so much for the awesome reviews on chapter 1!! I really appreciate it and here are your cyber cookies!!! *hands them out*. This is chapter 2, I hope you enjoy it and reviews will be greatly appreciated! Thanks! . This may be split into two chapters, I'm unsure of how long it'll be. This'll be a slight continuation of last chapter but will be pretty much unrelated. It's set in the future of the previous chapter, they just relate near the end. I've a little surprise there... ;)**_

_**Quick Note: Characteristics and traits change to opposites, as do relationships. =)**_

_**Chapter 2:**_

_**Opposite Day**_

_**Part I:**_

Every morning for Fenella Feverfew and Griselda Blackwood was exactly the same. Each morning they would wake up early and before getting dressed, sneak into each other's rooms for either early morning study or for a great plan of action, i.e. how to cause trouble for Miss Hardbroom.

On this particular morning they were holding a grudge against Miss Hardbroom. The day before she had given them one thousand lines each saying: "I must not put itching potion in teacher's dinner, again". Now, they were two girls that knew what would be coming to them for doing such things, and usually accepted these punishments without arguments. But on this occasion, however, they were ever-so-slightly enraged.

Miss Hardbroom stormed into the classroom the day before. She glared down at them with her usual apoplectic expression when she was enraged and immediately assigned them their one thousand lines. They felt that the time had come to do something different, to do something that Miss Hardbroom wouldn't immediately suspect them for. This was their topic for discussion one particular morning.

"I can't believe she would just blame us like that," Fenny moaned, she was flicking through a large book. She looked very tired.

"I know, how dare she!" Grizz replied, nodding in agreement. She looked up at Fenny for a few moments.

"Don't tell me you were up all night," Grizz said softly.

"Yes, I was. Um...I was looking for a revenge for today. And I found it. Here, look," she said as she handed it to Grizz.

She smiled as Grizz read it, waiting for her approval. Grizz's intrigued expression gradually changed to an amused one, which gradually changed into an excited one. She laid the book beside them and turned to face Fenny.

"That's brilliant," Grizz grinned.

It was no surprise to anyone really that Fenny had stayed up almost all night, searching for ways to thwart Miss Hardbroom. Fenny was more hot headed than Grizzy. Grizzy used more silent anger. She'd think up a strategy in her head and develop it there over time, not putting herself out. Fenny, on the other hand, had to research and find the best possible revenge, and she'd stay up almost all night to find something. Fenny felt the food was enough to be served cold.

"I know, right!? We need to cast the charm in one room; anybody that walks in will be affected."

"You think we'll be able to get into Miss Hardbroom's bedroom!? Are you crazy!?" Grizz exclaimed.

"Grizz, Grizz, Grizz, so young and so naive. We may as well have some fun with this as we're using it..." Fenny grinned her signature roguish grin.

"You mean..."

"On all the teachers, yes."

They both grinned as they both picked up the book and looked at it again.

****

Constance Hardbroom was a woman that was usually right about everything. She always knew when to put on an extra vest when she predicted it would be cooler, she always knew when her cat wanted to go out and come back in, she always knew when Mildred Hubble would cause trouble, and she always knew when the day was going to be faultless. Though sometimes she could be caught off guard. The only two girls ever to fool Miss Hardbroom were Fenella Feverfew and Griselda Blackwood. There's one reason why they were popular with the rest of the staff.

This one day, however, she would predict incorrectly. Miss Hardbroom rose from her bed and took a look out and the nice clear sky. She smiled to herself as she took a deep, refreshing breath. Little did she know what was in store for she and the other teachers.

****

To prevent riot and revolution, and the pupils of the Academy from taking her cream buns, Miss Cackle ensured that the staffroom was locked every night at lights out. Fenny and Grizz knew this when they were in first year and somehow managed to get a copy of the staffroom door key. They quietly sneaked down the main stairs and tip toed their way to the staffroom. When they were sure that nobody was around the opened it and stood outside it. They both looked at each other and grinned.

"You ready?" Fenny asked, grinning at her friend.

"Ready as ever," Grizzy grinned also.

"Alvricks, orcus, changus, transformus," began Fenny.

"Modificae, swapus," Grizz continued.

"Oppisatae transformus!" they both finished together.

They both stared in the room for a change. But there was seemingly nothing.

"It didn't work, did it?" Fenny moaned.

"No, I don't think so," replied Grizz.

They both sigh.

"Did the book say anything would happen?" asked Grizz.

"I don't know, not that I recall."

"Morning, Constance!!!!" Miss Cackle called from the distance.

"Quick, run!" they both exclaimed to each other. They both almost fell over each other as they scurried away from the staffroom door, forgetting to lock it.

****

Miss Cackle looked perplexed when she noticed that the staffroom door was open. She frowned slightly as she walked in and scanned the room. After a moment she practically sprinted over to the cupboard near the table and opened its doors. She breathed a sigh of relief when she saw that her cream cakes had been untouched. Then, suddenly she sprang up as a purple glow surrounded her. It lasted a few moments. Her friendly expression suddenly turned to a harsh one, something slightly resembling Miss Hardbroom.

"Good morning, Miss Cack..." Miss Hardbroom began to say until the same thing happened to her. Her, harsh, unfriendly expression changed to one of a really friendly person.

"Good morning, Miss Hardbroom," Miss Cackle replied, rather coldly.

"What's up with you, Amy!?" Miss Hardbroom asked cheerfully.

Miss Cackle's head snapped in her direction. "What did you call me, Constance!?"

"Amy, Amelia is just so boring. Oooh! You got cream cakes!" Miss Hardbroom exclaimed, as she ran in the direction of the cupboard.

"No Constance, those are mine!" Miss Cackle snapped as she stood defensively in front of the cupboard.

Miss Hardbroom scoffed at her.

"Haven't you had enough over the years? C'mon Amy, share!" Miss Hardbroom said, tipping "Amy's" tummy at the early part of that sentence.

"Constance, you are here to teach! Not stuff you face with _my _cream cakes and make utterly ridiculous insinuations!" Miss Cackle shouted.

"What's going on in here?!" Miss Drill said as she jogs in holding weights. The same thing happened to her as the others. She suddenly dropped the weights and slumped into the nearest chair.

"What's going on?" she asked.

"Amy won't give me any of her cream cakes!"

"Constance, you are being way out of line! If you continue to do so I will have no hesitation in dismissing you!" Miss Cackle shouted, as she took a seat at the table. Miss Hardbroom sighed and took a seat at the opposite end of the table to Miss Cackle. Miss Cackle scoffed.

"You'd really want to grow up!" she snapped at Miss Hardbroom.

Then, suddenly Miss Drill got up and ran for the cupboard. She grabbed the cream cakes and took her seat once again.

"Are you just going to let _her _have them!?" Miss Hardbroom snapped.

"Yes, I am," Miss Cackle smiled teasingly.

Miss Hardbroom grinned after a moment. She ran at Miss Drill and snatched one of the cream cakes.

"Hey!" Miss Drill snapped.

"Haha!" Miss Hardbroom laughed. As she went to run out of the staffroom she tripped over one of Miss Drills dumbbells. Her hand hit the door and Miss Cackle burst into hysterics. Miss Hardbroom looked at her hand and shrieked.

"I broke a nail! I'll get you for this!" she snapped as she ran out of the staffroom.

_**This started off dull but I think the staffroom scene was funny. Lol! This will be written in two parts. So, curious to know about what'll happen in class?! Or with Miss Bat!? Did you enjoy this? Please let me know what you think of it!!! Please!!! I'll update soon! .**_


	3. Opposite Day, Part II

_**Hey y'all! Thank you all for such amazing reviews so far! It means so much to me! So this is Opposite Day Part II. I'll be posting some Fenny and Grizz fics soon (I have two in mind) so if you're interested then just stick me on Author Alert or just ask me to PM you when it's up. =) Question, is it strange the fact that I want to change two of my cat's names'? I want to change "Cookie" and "Darko" to "Fenny and Grizz". And I want to call my other cat "Constance". Cuz now-named "Constance" fights with "Fenny" and "Grizz" all the time! It'd be perfect! Lol! Anyways, hope you enjoy this! .**_

_**Chapter 3:**_

_**Opposite Day:**_

_**Part II:**_

Cackle's Academy, what are the first words that pop into your head when you hear those ones? Perhaps cold, eerie, dull, miserable, boring are the usual adjectives you would use to describe Cackle's Academy. Or not as the case may be, well, one day in particular, this case applied.

Constance Hardbroom made the huge mistake of immediately accusing Fenny and Grizz of putting itching powder into the teacher's dinners'. As it turns out, they did, but they didn't like being immediately and unfairly accused. So they decided to attain vengeance.

Though they were disappointed, seemingly things didn't work when no change appeared in the staffroom. Both girls walked together back to their rooms. They both looked rather glum.

"Such a shame that didn't work, it was such a good idea," Grizz said softly.

"I'm sorry, perhaps I should've checked it out first," Fenny spoke apolitically.

"Don't worry, I don't like the idea of boring, mean, goodie-goodie Fenny," Grizz smirked.

Fenny smirked also. "Thanks, well, I'll see you in potions, we can talk about more ideas," she smiled before walking to her room, two doors down from Grizz.

****

Ugh, potions class. It must be the most feared thing in Cackle's Academy. Just imagine, boring old potions with boring old Hardbroom. Even the rewound Fenny and Grizz couldn't make it fun, what with Miss Hardbroom casting them special attention that is.

One must admit the second years were much cleverer than the first years; they knew when to shut up. Once they got into the potions lab they took out their books, prepared their ingredients and sat down and waited anxiously and silently for Miss Hardbroom.

"Now I really wish it had worked, now we're stuck with double potions," Fenny sighed.

"I know," agreed Grizz.

"Oh sorrow, Grizzly and Smelella fail yet another plan. Oh bother," snarled Iris, the bitch of the year.

"Shut it, Iris!" snaps Fenny.

"Just leave it, Fenny," Grizz said, giving Fenny one of her looks, the kind of look where Fenella knew where to stop. She sighed and didn't bother arguing.

"Ha! You're girlfriend have to come to the rescue again!?" she laughs.

"I'm warning y-"Fenny began but Grizz gave her another look. "One of these days, one of these days I'll wipe that silly smirk from your face!" Fenny snaps.

Iris smirked to herself before turning around.

"I've had enough of her! Alvricks Orcus, transfrogamortas..." Fenny began.

"Fenny, what are you-?!" Grizz began.

Though it was too late, Fenny had turned Iris into a frog. Many people began laughing, including Grizz.

"Hardbroom's gonna kill you," she smirked.

"...Wasn't it worth it though?" Fenny said, sighing with relief.

After a few moments the door burst open and Miss Hardbroom came bursting through the door, not in her usual angered manor, but she came in with a very cheerful disposition, and much more.

The entire class erupted with laughter. Though that's not surprising considering what they saw. Miss Hardbroom was not wearing her usual, skin-tight dress but was, in fact, wearing a purple mini-skirt, with shiny diamonds decorating it, a pink t-shirt with many other colours blended in. Written on it was: "Down with Amy and her Cream Cakes!!!!!" She was also looking different due to her hair. Not only was it down, but it was dyed...it was dyed blonde! Her face was plastered with very ditzy-like make-up. She looked a right state!

Fenny and Grizz turn to each other, with looks of total astonishment on each other's faces.

"It worked!" they both exclaimed between laughs, looking at each other.

"This is better than I thought it would be!" Fenny exclaimed.

"Good morning girls!" Miss Hardbroom called out hyperly. The girls tried to diminish their laughter but they failed to succeed.

"Something funny, girls?" she smiled innocently.

There was a pause whilst the girls try to suppress their laughter.

"Oh, I get it. I know girls; I've made some major changes to my style. I have had, what is called, an epiphany."

She turned around to the blackboard.

"E-p-i-p-h-a-n-y," she called out as she wrote it on the blackboard.

"Who can tell me what an epiphany is!?" she called out.

Some of the girls looked at each other and tried to contain their laugher, with little success.

"Where's Iris, she's clever," Miss Hardbroom asks.

"Fenella Feverfew and Griselda Blackwood turned her into a frog, Miss Hardbroom!" her sidekick called up.

They both sighed and shook their heads as Miss Hardbroom approached them.

"Is this true?" she asked.

They both nodded, pretending to look sorry.

"Well, she had it coming to her!"

"But Miss! It's against the Witches code! Shouldn't they be punished!?"

Miss Hardbroom approached the girl and took the book of the Witches code from her.

"What?! This piece of rubbish! This only exists so that Witches can't have fun! This is all it's good for!"

Miss Hardbroom threw it out of one of the open windows and it struck Miss Cackle on the head.

"Oops!" she shrieked as she bent down on her knees and hid under a table. The classroom erupted with laugher.

Miss Cackle, meanwhile, was storming towards the potions lab. Almost instantly she had stormed to the top of the classroom. As I've said already, the seconds years were cleverer than the first years, they knew that it was time to keep their mouths shut.

"Who, may I ask, threw the Witches code, at my head?" Miss Cackle asked in an extremely cold tone.

Many of the girls, who could sense something up looked underneath one of the tables all at once.

"Whoever is under that table, come out immediately!" Miss Cackle shouted.

Miss Hardbroom slowly crawled out and stood up, looking guilty.

"Constance, I should've known it would be you!" snapped Miss Cackle.

"Amy, I...I...I didn't mean to!"

"And what is with your t-shirt?!" she shouted, approaching her.

"Aaaah!" Miss Hardbroom shrieked as she ran out of the classroom.

The whole class, once again erupted with laughter.

"Quiet girls!" Miss Cackle snapped as she stormed out of the potions lab.

"Oh that was so worth it!" laughed Fenny. Grizz nodded as they laughed.

****

Davina Bat was one very strange lady. She had unusual habits, from sleeping and sulking in the staffroom cupboard to casting a spell on her cat to make it sing. She also had a very unusual appetite, with a special liking of cat food and flowers. But there was something else strange about her. She always got a great kick out of going into the potions lab and spilling Miss Hardbroom's potions down the sink, so that she couldn't find them the next day, a sort of revenge for being so mean to her.

This day, however, it would work out for Miss Bat. The night before, she had dropped one of the potions and inhaled its vapours. She was worried of its side effects but there seemed to be nothing happening. Lucky for her, because one day in particular would give her a few good laughs and perhaps a new best friend.

Miss Bat was up late, as usual. She prepared herself for the giving out that awaited her from Miss Hardbroom. Miss Bat took a deep breath and walked into the staffroom. The purple glow that surrounded the others, surrounded her, but it was then extinguished by a green glow, like another spell taking effect.

"Good morning, Miss Cackle," Miss Bat said endearingly as she bowed down to her knees. Miss Cackle looked up at her for a moment.

"Oh get up you silly, wretched woman!" Miss Cackle snapped.

Miss Bat looked as if she were about to burst into tears. She instantly got up and ran towards her cupboard. She opened it and screamed when she saw Miss Hardbroom in there.

"Constance, what are you doing!?" Miss Bat exclaimed.

"Amy was mean to me!" she snapped.

Miss Bat only seems to notice the change in Miss Hardbroom's appearance.

"What happened to you?!"

"I had an epiphany!"

"A what!?"

"Just close the doors Davina, I need some alone time!"

"No, this is my cupboard! Miss Cackle has been mean to me too!"

"She was meaner to me!"

"No me!"

There was a pause whilst it looks like Miss Hardbroom was coming up with an idea.

"How about you and I conspire against Amy? She could do with a good shaking up!" Miss Hardbroom suggested.

"I'd like that, Miss Hardbroom," Miss Bat said softly as she slowly climbed into the cupboard and closed the door behind her.

"All complete nonsense, isn't it Miss Drill?" Miss Cackle said after a few moments.

"Yes, Miss Cackle," Miss Drill mumbled as she was eating a chocolate cake. She was surrounded by confectionaries as she sat on the arm chair.

****

Fenny and Grizz smirked as they walked into Grizz's bedroom.

"You don't think we went too far, do you?" Grizz said as she sat down on the bed.

"No way, they deserved every bit of it!" Fenny exclaimed.

"I know but, I'd say things are getting a little out of hand, don't you?" Grizz said softly.

Fenny sighed.

"I guess, should we go change them back?"

"Yeah, let's go."

****

"Miss Hardbroom, I order you to come out from there right away!" Miss Cackle called.

All that came from the cupboard was mumbles.

"Constance, I don't appreciate you and Miss Bat, conspiring against me. If you don't cease to continue, I will be dismissing you."

There are a few knocks on the staffroom door.

"Come in!" Miss Cackle barked.

Fenny and Grizz walked in slowly.

"And what do you two want?" Miss Cackle ordered.

"Fenny, uh, I think we may have forgotten about something," Grizz whispered.

"What?-"Fenny began but they both were surrounded by the purple glow. Oops!

"Well then!?" Miss Cackle ordered once again.

"I came to tell you that Grizz cast a spell to make the staff turn into the opposite of what they are, that's why things today have been so chaotic!" Fenny said quickly.

"You liar! It was all her, Miss Cackle!" Grizz exclaimed.

"You cast the spell!" Fenny barked.

"So did you!"

"Girls, silence from both of you!"

Miss Cackle and Miss Bat step out from the cupboard. Fenny and Grizz both smirked to themselves, this time, not looking at each other.

"Girls, I want you both in my office, I will speak to you when we've this sorted."

"Yes Miss Cackle," they both said glumly as they walked out.

After a moment they both walked back in.

"There's someone to see you, Miss Cackle," Fenny said. They both walked out again.

And who walked in, but Chief Wizard Hellibore!!

"Good day Cackles!" he exclaimed as he walked in.

He flinched back when he looked at Miss Hardbroom.

"Have I come at a bad time?"

"Oh, Eggy!!! I so wish to court you!" Miss Hardbroom exclaimed as she ran up to him, gave him a hug and a big kiss on the cheek.

Miss Cackle turned to Miss Drill who was laughing as she stuffed her face with chocolate cake.

"I think it's best we fix this problem, don't you, Miss Drill?" Miss Cackle said softly as she walked up to the desk.

_**Ahem, well, that's it. Uh...I couldn't really beat the staffroom scene in the last chapter. This is the best I could come up with, sorry about that. I must admit I'm a little disappointed with it. Would you please review and let me know what you think!? I'll be updating next with either "Dungeon Olympics", "Dress Up as Someone Else" or "Spin the Bottle". I'll have it started by the time I post this, it most likely will be "Spin the Bottle". Please review! Thanks peeps! Bye! **_


	4. Spin the Bottle, Pt I

_**Hey y'all! I'm so, so sorry for the slow update! I was busy at school, having to do two history projects, three English reviews (which entailed reading a novel, watching a movie and reading a play) and I'd a portfolio for a full year to write too. And since getting the Summer Holidays I've been really busy but now I've time! This was to be "Prank Wars" but I'm doing "Spin the Bottle" this time! Hope you enjoy! Also, thank you so much for all the awesome reviews so far, and please keep them coming! ((I was supposed to update two days ago but one of my cats died so I wasn't in the form for writing. But after this there should be no delays)).**_

_**Also, check out the Fenny and Grizz story: "Moving On" which was recommended to me by "Miss Harshbrush" through e-mail. Awesome story, well worth the read! Also check out Blondie0136's (hope you don't mind me advertising for you! But everyone should see them!) Channel on Youtube, there are some amazing videos! More recommendations next chapter! ^_^**_

_**Chapter 4:**_

_**Spin the Bottle:**_

_**Pt. 1:**_

The best time for any student in Cackle's Academy was lights out – or after lights out to be precise. Less teachers would be roaming the corridors, the goodie-goodie students would be tucked up in bed unable to grass on other students and best of all and night time in a spooky castle had a tendency to give off an air of excitement.

A certain pair of girls never slept early at night; they would always either go to the library, sneak into the staffroom to use the magic mirror, take the nice food from the staffroom or set pranks for the next day; those girls were Fenella Feverfew and Griselda Blackwood.

On one particular night they had a great idea. When out in the forest earlier that day they were testing out some spells. One of them went wrong and a glass bottle came from nowhere, almost hitting them; when they checked it out they found out that if you point to bottle at someone and give a command, that person has to do what you say, otherwise there would be some sort of a punishment. For two girls like Fenny and Grizz, one would think that they having an object of such power might be dangerous, but they were clever. They reserved their use of it so they wouldn't get caught.

After a day of deliberation they finally came to a decision on what they should do with it – play a game of spin the bottle. They made arrangements for that night, they had a group of girls (Millie, the rest of the gang and Charlie) go down there: "awaiting a surprise", then they would arrive in and make them all play spin-the-bottle.

"But we're not going to do anything really bad, how is spin the bottle going to be any good?" moaned Millie.

"Ah, but that's where you're wrong," Grizz smiled.

"Oh?" Enid replied.

"This bottle is special. You issue a command and whoever it points at must do it," Fenny told them, "And believe me, they have no choice. The bottle's enchanted," Grizz finished.

"Extreme!" Maud exclaimed.

"Alright, Fenny, you may have the honour of the first go," Grizz said as she took a step back and sat down at the table.

Fenny was about to speak when Ethel, Drusilla, Baz and Gaz stormed in wearing smug expressions.

"And what are up to girls?" Baz asked snidely.

"What do you want!" snapped Enid.

"To see what you and your stupid gang are up to," Ethel answered, walking up to the table. She was followed by Drusilla and a few moments later Baz and Gaz.

"So what are you up to?" she asked domineeringly.

"None of your business Ethel!" Jadu snapped.

"We're just playing spin the bottle," Millie said softly.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Grizz whispered to Fenny, grinning mischievously.

"I think so," she replied.

"Why don't you play with us, guys?" Grizz asked, grinning.

"No, we don't want to play your stupid-!" Drusilla began until Ethel interrupted.

"Now, now Drusilla. Let's not be too hasty," Ethel grinned, "We'd love to play with you guys."

Ethel, Drusilla and the boys took a seat at the table.

"Well shove over then Loppy Lugs," Baz sneered as he shoved him roughly out of the way.

"Oh quit it Baz!" snapped Maud.

"You alright Merlin?" Millie asked.

"Aw, are you alright Merlin! I love you Merlin!" Gaz mimicked in a high-pitched voice.

"Stop being so pathetic," Grizz said to Baz and Gaz, "Go on Fenny," she finished.

"Okay, you have to dress up as a clown, go to Miss Hardbroom's bedroom and confess your undying love for her!" Fenny announced smugly.

Millie and the gang looked apprehensive, as they knew that they didn't have any choice. Baz, Gaz, Ethel and Drusilla jeered as the bottle span. It was a good spin and the girls' nerves were building and building. Finally the bottle came to a stop and it ended up pointing at Gaz. The girls laughed hysterically and he smirked.

"As if I'm going to do that!"

"You've got no choice," Grizz sang teasingly as a green glow surrounded him.

He stood up and as he did so, Fenny and Grizz cast a spell in unison which had him dressed up as a clown. He was wearing an outrageous red, curly-haired wig, a huge round, red nose, very pale foundation; two large circles painted red on each cheek and he was wearing mock eyebrows. He was dressed in large baggy yellow pants, huge green floppy shoes, braces to hold up his pants over a red, yellow and white stripped jersey. He walked down to Miss Hardbroom's room at a quick pace. He was followed closely by the girls.

After a few moments the door opened violently and the tall, formidable-looking woman emerged holding a lantern, looking rather peeved.

"What is the meaning for this incursion!" the tall dark teacher demanded as she looked at the boy, only then really noticing his attire.

"Who are you!"

"Oh, Miss Hardbroom, I must make a confession!" Gaz announced in a loud sigh.

"I hope it will explain your attire and impertinence!"

"But soft! What light through yonder window breaks! It is the east, and Miss Hardbroom is the sun!"

Miss Hardbroom was so flabbergasted into silence.

"O, speak again, bright angel!" Gaz announced dramatically.

"You will stop this nonsense at once and reveal your identity! And you will write a five thousand word essay entitled "I must not proclaim my fervent desires toward members of the staff! And you will report to Miss Cackle's office in the morning! Is that understood!"

"Meet in Miss Cackle's office my dear Constance! Oh, Constance, you _const_antly shock and please me in the strangest ways!"

The girls around the corner were trying to mute their laugher; they were all in floods of tears and holding their ribs. Fenny stepped out from the corner, pointing the bottle at Miss Hardbroom.

"You will suddenly become tired and have to go to bed."

A glow surrounded Miss Hardbroom and she suddenly yawned. Without a departing word she entered her room and closed the door. The spell wore of Gaz after a few moments and he was returned to his normal clothes.

"I'll get you for that!" he snapped.

"Unfortunately," Fenny said softly as she handed him the bottle.

BACK IN THE DUNGEON

They were all surrounding the table again as Gaz placed the bottle in the centre.

"Whoever this lands on must kiss Loppy Lugs on the lips for twenty seconds," he grinned as he spun the bottle.

Everybody turned to look at Mildred and they all grinned. She rolled her eyes and sighed as she watched the bottle. After a few moments the bottle landed on Ethel.

"I am not kissing him!" Ethel exclaimed in disgust.

After a few moments a glow surrounded her.

"Let's go baby!" Ethel announced flirtatiously as she got up and stood behind Loppy Lugs. He turned around and they both kissed passionately. Twenty seconds later a glow surrounded each of them and they pulled back with disgusted moans. They both wiped their lips as Ethel went back to her seat. Everybody chuckled softly.

"My turn, give me the bottle!" Ethel demanded.

The bottle was given to Ethel who placed it in the middle of the table.

"Whoever the bottle points at must dress up as a ballerina all day tomorrow."

She spun the bottle and after a few moments it landed on Charlie. Everyone started laughing.

"But I've to work with Uncle Frank all day tomorrow! What's he going to say! Gimme that bottle!" he smirked as he placed it in the centre.

"Right, whoever this will land on must gather every staff member and bring them down here to play with us and they'll get in trouble for it in the morning," he said as he spun the bottle.

"Didn't think you were the bold type Charlie," Grizz said.

"I'm not but it'll distract the staff from me for a while tomorrow," he replied.

"Oh."

The bottle stopped and pointed at Grizz.

"No!" she moaned just before the glow surrounded her.

She walked out slowly as everybody watched her, wondering how the teachers' input would affect the game, or what the teachers might do to her.

_**Personally, I'm kind of disappointed with it. There's a lot to it so the second part will be posted the next chapter. I promise the next one will be better as the teachers will be involved, I have some great ideas for what the students can do to teachers and teachers can do to each other. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this to some extent and I would be most gratified if you'd review. Thanks all! After the second part I was thinking "Teacher Poker". Like the idea? I promise I'll be updating very soon. Thanks for reading! Bye! =D**_


	5. Spin the Bottle, Pt II

_**Hey y'all! Thank you for all the amazing reviews so far! Much appreciated! This is Spin the Bottle Pt.2 and the next chapter will be Teacher Poker! I'm currently starting a fic about Fenny and Grizz's first year and I'm hoping to post that soon. So please watch out for it! (Yes, I WILL post it this time round, lol!)**_

_**Chapter 5:**_

_**Spin the Bottle:**_

_**Pt. II**_

All of the teachers were sitting around the table with the girls. There was Miss Hardbroom, Miss Drill, Miss Bat, Miss Cackle, the Grand Wizard, Frank and Mrs. Tapioca. Grizz was sitting down with her head in her hands, clearly regretting getting the teachers down there.

"Are you alright, Grizz?" Fenny asked her friend.

"No, they are all going to come down so hard on me tomorrow," Grizz sighed.

"We can get the teachers to do anything we want them to and besides, both of us will go down. I'll take any amount of trouble to see Miss Hardbroom doing something whacky," Fenny grinned, trying to cheer her up.

Grizz smiled as she sat up properly, "Good point," she nodded.

"See? So your turn," Fenny grinned.

"Right, you must sing a song about your opinion of Miss Hardbroom," Grizz smirked as she spun the bottle.

"Fenella Feverfew and Griselda Blackwood, I'm unaware of why I feel compelled to play but I promise you, when this charm wears off you will be in deep, deep trouble," Miss Hardbroom warned.

"But it's just so worth it," Fenny replied, wearing a smug grin.

Miss Hardbroom glared at her as the bottle continued to spin. It eventually landed on Miss Bat. The glow surrounded her and she hopped onto the table and began singing a rap song. She magiced a stereo and it played a backing track behind her.

_She's a Witch_

_She's a bitch_

_Glad Fenn and Grizz_

_Made her itch_

_She's a bore_

_To the core_

_A great wife for Hellibore _

_She's a scare _

'_See the hair?_

_And that fearsome glare!_

_Scares her cat_

_Scares Miss Bat_

_She ain't all that!_

Miss Bat made the stereo disappear and jumped down from the table dramatically. The glow surrounded her and the spell wore off. She looked at Miss Hardbroom who was glaring at her and she bowed to the ground going lower and lower and lower.

"Forgive me Miss Hardbroom," she begged nervously.

Everybody else (even Ethel) was laughing in hysterics. Miss Hardbroom turned around stubbornly and folded her arms.

"Your go Miss Bat," Grizz called over as she held up the bottle.

"Oh...oh...oh really, yay!" she exclaimed as she clapped her hands together and skipped over to them.

"Whoever this bottle lands on must spend one WHOLE EVENING with Chief Wizard HelliBORING!" she exclaimed as she spun the bottle.

"Helliboring, how dare you call me such a name!" he exclaimed, insulted.

The bottle span for a few moments until it landed on...Miss Bat.

"Oh no!" she moaned as she almost cried.

"Your go again Miss Bat," Fenny laughed.

"Whoever this land on must join a choir, and do their very best and perform for us all at the end of year assembly," Miss Bat said as she spun the bottle.

"So, Chief Wizard Hellibore, what would you like to do tomorrow evening?"

"Nothing, you wretched woman!" he snapped as he folded his arms angrily.

The bottle finally landed on Miss Hardbroom. Miss Cackle chuckled.

Miss Hardbroom tutted as she placed the bottle in the middle of the table.

"I may as well use this for something constructive, the person this lands on must take a stock take of the potions lab on Saturday and take notes of what potions or herbs we need to obtain."

The girls moan in unison.

"What, it's a great job! I couldn't think of anything better even if I tried!"

The spun the bottle badly and it landed on none other than Mildred Hubble.

"Oh no, uh...not her, can I change my mind?" she asked.

"No, Miss Hardbroom," Fenny and Grizz replied smugly in unison.

Miss Hardbroom shook her head and sits back as Mildred takes the bottle.

"Whoever this will land on must do the stocktaking instead of me," Mildred said as she spun the bottle.

"Mildred Hubble, this may be the last time I ever say this to you, good girl," Miss Hardbroom grinned a little.

"Thank you Miss Hardbroom."

The bottle finally stopped at the Grand Wizard.

Everybody chuckled aside from Miss Hardbroom and the Grand Wizard.

"Oh for goodness sake girl, don't you think I've anything better to do!" he snapped.

"I'm sorry, sir," Mildred muttered apologetically.

"I retract my earlier statement, Mildred," she said coldly.

Mildred looked down guiltily.

"Your turn sir," Enid spoke.

"Do you honestly think that a Wizard of my calibre would wish to indulge in something as preposterous and tedious as this!"

"It's just a bit of fun, your honour," Mildred said.

"Was it just a bit of fun when you crashed your broom into me!" he snapped.

"Your Honour, we would be honoured by you partaking in our game. I'm sure the girls would love if you would join us just this once," Miss Cackle said, "Isn't that right girls?" Miss Cackle asked.

"Yes Miss Cackle," the all mumbled, barely coherently.

"Oh, fine then! The lucky girl who this lands on must make the boys and I crumpets and tea!" he giggled as he spun the bottle.

"That is what you call, a good, strong, wizardly spin. Nothing that you Witches could ever wish to achieve...hmm...hmm," he giggled.

The girls rolled their eyes and sighed as the bottle spun. After a while it stopped on Enid.

"Well, unfair!" she exclaimed.

"Just take your go," Miss Hardbroom said.

Before saying anything, Enid got up and walked over to Fenny and Grizz. She whispered something to both of them and they both nodded and smirked. After a few seconds Enid sat back in her place and placed her hand on the bottle.

"The person whom this lands on must not eat cream cakes or any types of confectionaries for a week," she grinned.

Miss Cackle, who had her mouth wide open as she was about to take a large bite of her cream cake dropped it back on the plate in shock as her eyes widened. After a moment she picked up the cream cake again and began stuffing it down as quickly as humanly possible.

"Now," Fenny whispered to Grizz.

They both cast a discreet spell on the bottle and it stopped spinning when it pointed at...Miss Cackle!

"Dear Gods no!" she exclaimed.

The green glow surrounded her and she looked upon the cream cake in disbelief. Everyone sitting around her was laughing hysterically; even Miss Hardbroom managed to laugh a little. Miss Cackle placed the bottle in the centre of the table and thought for a moment.

"The person whom this lands on must speak of what's exactly on their mind," Miss Cackle said as she spun the bottle.

The bottle continued to spin until it landed on Maud. The glow surrounded her and she spoke very adamantly.

"I was just thinking that Merlin and Ethel would be a great couple as Merlin has big ears and Ethel has a stuck up nose. They could give birth to an elephant," said Maud.

Baz, Gaz and the Grand Wizard laughed hysterically whilst everyone else tried not to laugh. When the spell wore off Maud looked very upset.

"Oh Merlin, I'm so sorry!" she exclaimed.

"It's fine," he said softly.

"What about me, Maud Moonface!" Ethel demanded.

"Guys just leave it," Fenny sighed, "take your go Maud."

"Uh...whoever the bottle lands on must kiss the Grand Wizard," Maud said, laughing a little as she spoke.

The bottle ended up pointing at Miss Drill. Everybody started laughing as they knew how much Miss Drill disliked Helliboring. The glow surrounded her ensued and grabbed the Grand Wizard's had and pulled it towards hers and the pair were kissing. They remained kissing for half a minute before the spell wore off. They both pulled back immediately.

"You must join Miss Bat in her _epicurean _meals for the next week," Miss Drill said as she spun the bottle. It continued to spin until it landed on Miss Hardbroom.

Miss Hardbroom didn't say a word until she took the bottle and placed it in the centre.

"Whoever this lands on will persuade Fenella and Griselda to end this absurd game immediately," Miss Hardbroom said as she spun the bottle.

The bottle span and Miss Hardbroom cast a spell on it so it would point at Fenny.

"Aw," all the girls moaned in unison as Fenny picked up the bottle.

"Just before you do that I must insist that you allow me cream cakes for the next week girls," Miss Cackle said before Fenny could break the bottle.

"What do you think Grizz, should we let her?"

"I am ordering you as Headmistress," she cut in.

"Well Fenny, I can't remember the spell, can you?" Grizz grinned.

Fenny looked at her curiously for a moment. Grizz gave her one of her looks to play along.

"Oh, uh...no, I can't," she said.

"But if you were to take us out for a day trip, Miss Cackle, maybe it would revive our memories," Grizz said. Fenny smirked.

"Where are we talking about girls?" Miss Cackle asked.

"There's a new fair after opening near the city."

"Is that so?"

"Yes, if I recollect correctly, there's a cafe nearby. What's it called again Fenny?"

"Comfy's Cafe," Fenny answered, both girls looked at Miss Cackle whose face lit up.

"Well girls," Miss Cackle said as she stood up, "In light of your hard work of late, I'd like to organise a trip to Comfy's, I mean this fair that you're talking about."

"Yay!" all the girls cheered as they got up and walked out; Fenny and Grizz high-fived each other as the followed.

"Trust Miss _Snackle _to find a cream cake in the proceedings," Miss Hardbroom said to herself as she stood up and disappeared.

_**Well, that's it! I hope you enjoyed it! Please review and let me know what you think! I'll be doing teacher poker next! Thanks again for all the awesome reviews so far! I'll be updating soon. Bye! =)**_


	6. Miss Cackle's Tab

_**Hey y'all! This was supposed to be "Teacher Poker" and I'm currently in the process of writing it but it may be a slow update so I did this instead – the idea originated when I asked my Mam what could I do in Cosie's and then I literally screamed that it could be about Miss Cackle having to pay her tab (well, she doesn't get them all for free, right?). So I'll update the poker soon after this (I was taking a permanent residence outdoors in the sun) lol! Then I'd certain issues to deal with which are dealt with now, so I'm under no more stress. Hope you enjoy this and please review and let me know what you think! =D and thanks for all the reviews so far! Enjoy! =D **_

_**Also, did anyone else notice that the top of Miss Bat's closet has a bat on it! Check out the first episode and you can see it there. =) **_

_**Chapter 6:**_

_**Miss Cackle's Tab:**_

Cosie's Cafe was cosy, homely, warm safe haven where everybody went when they wanted some nice cream teas, cakes, buns and the like. Though many people seemed to forget that it was a business also, and that Mrs. Cosie had to use money for the upkeep of the place and to buy ingredients for the things she baked and she also had to make a little profit.

She gave her oldest and best customers a tab, so that they would come by more often and keep her company. One of these people was Miss Cackle. They had a routine that Miss Cackle would come a few days a week. But this habit was quickly kicked and she was soon coming every day of the week, though she used to stay extra long on a Saturday.

One day, when Miss Cackle was about to take a bite of a large slice of cream cake, Mrs. Cosie approached her tentatively. Miss Cackle smiled as she chewed quickly and placed the plate on the table.

"Is everything alright Mrs. Cosie?" Miss Cackle asked as she smiled warmly.

"I must discuss something with you Miss Cackle; it's of a rather personal nature," she said, looking as if she regretted speaking.

"Sit down Mrs. Cosie and tell me all about it."

"Well, Miss Cackle," Mrs. Cosie began, stopping.

"Mrs. Cosie, you and I are old friends and I've been coming here for years. There's nothing you and I can't discuss."

"It's about your tab, Miss Cackle!" Mrs. Cosie exclaimed, sighing with relief.

Miss Cackle looked at Mrs. Cosie like she'd two heads.

"What is it about my tab that is troubling you, Mrs. Cosie?" Miss Cackle asked, looking a little perplexed.

"Yes, Miss Cackle. I don't like to say but your tab has gotten rather big."

Miss Cackle stood up and took a look at her stomach, putting one hand on it as she spoke.

"I really don't think my tab has gotten bigger Mrs. Cosie!" Miss Cackle cried in her defence.

Mrs. Cosie looked for a moment and then chuckled nervously.

"No, Miss Cackle! That's not your tab!"

"Oh! Good," Miss Cackle said as she sat down and picked up another plate. She picked up a fork and put some cream cake on it, she held it in her hand as she spoke.

"So what is a tab then Mrs. Cosie?"

"Oh, uh...uhm...you see that cheesecake over there?" Mrs. Cosie said, pointing over at a large cheesecake, which stood on a platter larger than the rest.

"Oh, yes Mrs. Cosie," Miss Cackle said in a hypnotic voice, with a look of wonderment dominating her eyes.

"Well, your tab and that cheesecake have something in common."

"Wonderful, I do love games!" Miss Cackle began, beaming, "So my tab and that cheesecake have something in common..." she said, as she began to think.

Mrs. Cosie's mannerisms suggested she really hoped Miss Cackle would guess this time.

"Are they the same colour?" Miss Cackle asked.

"No, no, no, Miss Cackle," Mrs. Cosie said, feeling rather awkward.

"So my tab is not my tum tum and it is not the same colour as the cheesecake, yet it has something in common with it," Miss Cackle said as she thought.

"Yes, Miss Cackle!" Mrs. Cosie cried, holding her hands together in a way of prayer.

"I've got it!" Miss Cackle exclaimed.

"Oh thank goodness," Mrs. Cosie muttered to herself, smiling with relief.

"My tab is all the cheesecakes I've eaten!"

"Yes, Miss Cackle!"

"Ah fantastic, so for all my custom I'm getting free cheesecakes; why, thank you Mrs. Cosie!"

"No Miss Cackle, I'm afraid I'll have to be blunt. Your tab is like an account of all the confectionaries you buy. And with custom being down lately I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to pay off your tab, or at least some of it."

Miss Cackle's face changed. She was in total and utter shock.

"So, I'm getting no free cheesecakes then?"

"I'm afraid not Miss Cackle. I do apologise."

"I don't owe you much, do I?"

"I have it written down on a piece of paper. I'll just go fetch it," Mrs. Cosie said, leaving the room.

Miss Cackle continued eating while she was waiting. She ceased once Mrs. Cosie returned with a long slip of paper. As she spoke, she unrolled and unrolled and unrolled more paper, until it was a few feet in length.

"Here is a copy of each confectionary item you've consumed here. The ones highlighted are free. And this figure here is the amount you owe me," Mrs. Cosie said, fretting ever so slightly.

"Oh my good God, surely I don't owe that much!"

"I'm afraid you do Miss Cackle."

"Ah, goodness knows where I'll find the money...and I'll have to get a loan from the school to pay it off...though I doubt the school can even cover this. I'd better get going Mrs. Cosie, see if I can sort something out."

"No, Miss Cackle! There's no need to leave!"

"I'll return with your money soon," Miss Cackle said, picking up her bag.

The bell for the door rang.

"More customers please excuse me, Miss Cackle," Mrs. Cosie said as she left the room.

Miss Cackle opens her bag and puts in the rest of her cheesecake and cream buns.

"I'm paying good money; no way I am even leaving a crumb!"

Miss Cackle closes her bags and storms out.

_**Sorry, the ending sucked. I've been sitting around thinking how to end it but zilch. Nothing at all! Could you please review and let me know what you think! I've had a few ideas kinda like this, just short conversations between characters. I'm just curious would the short conversation chapters go down well? Other ideas, for example are Fenny and Grizz teaching Miss Cackle how to use a computer and Miss Drill trying to explain the offside rule to Miss Bat, Cackle or Hardbroom. Just silly, fun little things like that! I'll be updating with "Teacher Poker" next. Anyone care to hazard a guess on how much Miss Cackle's tab was? =P again, thanks for reading! Bye! **_


	7. HB Has Facebook

_**Hey y'all! Thanks for all the amazing reviews so far and please keep them coming! Sorry the update has taken so, so long! This idea came from a conversation I had with "The Half Cast Mourne Posh Girl" on Facebook and I've decided to put it into a fanfic! So this chapter is dedicated to her! (Quick note, the nicknames are mine lol!) You'll see what I mean. ;) Please review! Thanks guys! Love you all!**_

_**Chapter 7:**_

_**H.B. Has Facebook:**_

Ruby Cherrytree, the most scientific brain in the school; not only could she create a generator for electricity, a computer or travel to the future (or bring the past to the future!) but she could put the whole lot together. Very soon, the spell to cross times was easier to catch than a cold in Cackle's Academy. Facebook was discovered, a social website of the future. It was the best thing since sliced bread, as it made it easier for Cackle's to communicate with the outside world. Soon, generators were put up around the school and computers were accessible...to the teachers, Cackle's hadn't gotten that interesting yet!

Of course, Ruby was able to make a computer and had made them for her best friends by making one and then cloning them with a spell she conjured up. So the tradition of midnight feasts went out the window and in came a new tradition, social networking. And who better to prowl the internet than Fenella Feverfew and Griselda Blackwood.

"Look, it's Amanda Honeydew!" Griselda exclaimed pointing at a little icon in the friend's list of a Witch named: "Bella Starlight".

"No, Grizz, look at this one!" Fenny exclaimed, pointing at the screen.

"Sash!" Grizz exclaimed. Fenny and Grizz's rooms were constantly searched by Miss Hardbroom in case of any conspiracies the might be conjuring up against her, so they couldn't keep a computer. So instead they sneaked into the staffroom at night and used it there. Of course, they had to be very quiet as Miss Cackle was always on the lookout in case of any students wanting to steal her precious cream cakes which were stored in the cupboard.

"Sorry, but look!" Fenny bellowed in a whisper. The icon showed a picture of a woman with a very pale complexion, black hair worn in a tight bun and a fierce expression; under it was written: "Constance Hardbroom".

"Whoa! H.B. has Facebook! Go into it!"

They eagerly clicked the name and waited in anticipation for it to come up. "What's H.B. doing on Facebook?" Grizz mused. They hacked her account.

The page loaded. There's wasn't much written as regards the info. Name: Constance Hardbroom, Birthday: October 31st and it all ended there. Fenny and Grizz give each other "the look". They devilsome pair had conjured up yet another plan to foil H.B.

Nothing needed to be said. They'd already clicked into the edit profile section. Name: Constance Rachel Monica Phoebe Hardbroom; Birthday: October 31st, 1899; Parents: Amelia Cackle, Algernon Rowan Webb; Relationship: Married to Egbert Hellibore; Interested In: Men; Looking For: A Relationship. Activities: Teaching, Frightening Students, Bullying Miss Bat, Getting High on Herbs with Frank in the Shed, Stealing Miss Cackle's Cream Cakes every night. Bio: Name's Constance but you can call me love. I love getting high on herbs in the shed with Mr. Blossom, having fun with Egbert in Miss Cackle's Office at night, playing with Mrs. Tapioca's melons and chasing my cat around the forest. Add me as a friend and we might be more. ;)

"Who's online?" Fenny mused, clicking into the chat. "Peter Hallow, Frank Blossom, Egbert Hellibore, Mildred Hubble, Maud Moonshine and Ethel Hallow...hmmm..." She grinned as she opened up a chat window for Peter Hallow.

"Hello," she typed in.

"Miss Hardbroom?" was the reply.

"How are you?"

"Fine, you?"

"Bored. ;)"

No reply. Fenny typed in something again.

"Would you like to come and alleviate my boredom?"

The chat bubble appeared for a few seconds, though no reply was coming. They sighed, defeated but then there was a reply.

"Yes."

The pair laughed hysterically. They didn't know what to reply initially but then hatched a plan.

"Hello," was sent to Egbert.

"Ah good day Cackles!" was the reply.

"I am bored."

"Me too. Once the boys go to bed there's not much to do!"

"Change the password," Fenny urged Grizz who did so in a jiffy.

"We should get together and perhaps, amuse ourselves... ;)"

"What did you have in mind?"

"Come to the staffroom and you'll see."

"What is the meaning of this!" rang a chilling voice through the staffroom. Fenny and Grizz. They closed the web page and stood promptly, blocking the computer monitor. Both girls fell silent.

"I am waiting for an explanation."

Again, they didn't reply. They were unsuccessfully trying to hide a grin.

"May I remind you that you're on a warning already, let's see what Miss Cackle thinks about this. Let's go girls." Miss Hardbroom was almost grinning smugly as she began to leave the staffroom.

"If you tell Miss Cackle we'll tell her that you have fun with Hellibore in her office at night!" Fenny exclaimed.

Miss Hardbroom's head snapped around, she glared at them, "I beg your pardon!"

"Not only that but that you get high on herbs in the shed with Mr. Blossom!" Grizz added.

"That was only once!" she cried in her defence, "I mean, it was an accident, of course. How did you two find out about that!"

They grin at each other. "We'll also tell Miss Cackle that you have a Facebook page."

"How do you girls know these things?"

"We own you now, H.B. We found everything on your page..." Grizz grinned.

"How dare you call me H.B. It is Miss Hardbroom to you!"

"Not now. Tell me, how long are you and Hellibore married for?"

"Of all the impertinence! Nobody will ever believe you!"

They step back and allow her to see her profile page. Her expression was hard to describe. It was like a combination of anger, fear, shock, horror and confusion along with being apoplectic.

"What is the meaning of this!"

"So you like to play with Mrs. Tapioca's melons?" Fenny teased.

"I wonder what Miss Cackle would say if she found out you were Helliwhoring with Helliboring every night in her office..."

"Or insinuating that she was Showin' Webb with Rowan Webb!"

"Or that you're going much deeper than Shallow with Mr. Hallow!"

"Girls! You are already in deep, deep trouble. Now I suggest that you erase these lies from my page if you have any sense whatsoever."

"Or what?" Grizz teased.

"You'll tell Miss Cackle," Fenny added.

"Of course, we wouldn't have to tell Miss Cackle if you were to bargain with us."

Miss Hardbroom sighed, calming herself and feigned a smile, "what would it take, girls?"

"Let us eat sweets and no more detention!"

"And cancel the six detentions we already have."

"And give us our own computer."

"And give us any sweets confiscated."

"That cannot happen girls," Miss Hardbroom quickly cut in, "Miss Cackle takes those for herself."

The door opened suddenly and in burst Mr. Hallow wearing leather brief underpants, bunny ears and was carrying a whip.

"Good evening Miss Hardbroom. I didn't know you were bringing the girls to watch."

No more than a moment later, a purple ball flew in and who else appeared but Egbert Hellibore...wearing nothing but a piece of cloth above his "area" -_-.

"Mr. Hallow! Chief Wizard Hellibore! What is the meaning of this!"

"You invited me," Mr. Hallow said softly. Poor dear was confused.

"No! You invited me!" Egbert shouted in his defence.

"No me!"

"Me! Okay, young, inexperienced man, I can see this is going nowhere. Might I make a suggestion?"

"Go on."

"We could BOTH have her at the same time! You'd like that, wouldn't you Constance? Being efficient with time and all that?"

"Both of you are a disgrace! If you don't leave this office immediately I'll be forced to call in Miss Cackle! And we know what she'd have to say about this unpleasantness!"

_**Okay, so that's it! I'm sorry it ended so badly but I'd no idea how to end it! Anyways, please review as I'd love opinion(s) about his Chapter! I'll update soon hopefully but I'm unsure with what yet. It might be "Teacher Poker" but an idea of "Cackle's Monopoly" has been nagging my mind or "Miss Cackle discovers the lottery" so I'll probably end up updating with one of those! Thanks for reading! Also, would anyone be interested in joining a Worst Witch Forum? You can find a link on my profile explaining more. Thanks! **_


	8. Teacher Poker, Part I

_**Hi everybody! *Nobody says "Hi Dr. Nic."* =P This chapter will be Teacher Poker! Thanks for all the reviews so far and please keep them coming! I will be updating with: "Miss Cackle Discovers a Betting Shop", "Add a Word to the End of Every Sentence", or "April Fool's Day". Any preferences as to which I do next just let me know via review. Thanks. =) enjoy! **_

_**Chapter 8:**_

_**Teacher Poker:**_

Cackle's Academy was rewound for being a very boring place...for the students. But people seemed to neglect the fact that it must be boring for the teachers too, and believe me, it was. Only two teachers ever had any homework to correct and with such a small body of students, that didn't take very long. So by the time Sunday afternoon came the teachers were bored senseless.

It was always like this until one Sunday afternoon, Miss Drill suggested playing Poker. Miss Cackle was game, Miss Bat was excited and Miss Hardbroom was roped into playing by Miss Cackle. So it was decided that when Miss Cackle would return every week from her "important school engagements" (the teachers all knew that she was really stuffing her face at Cosie's), they would gather in the staffroom and play Poker. And there a new Cackle's tradition was born.

And there came another Sunday. Miss Hardbroom and Miss Drill were sitting at the table, not speaking two words to each other whist waiting for Miss Cackle to return. Miss Cackle entered the staffroom wearing a gratified grin (Mrs. Cosie had, had an accident with the Cauliflower Cheese and a large volume of cheese went into it). She sat down at the table and took out the deck of cards and began dealing them five cards each.

"So ladies, are we ready for some Poker?"

Miss Bat burst forth from the cupboard.

"We certainly are, Callous Cackle!"

The teachers had also devised nicknames for each other whilst playing. The idea was Miss Bat's. Miss Cackle was named "Callous Cackle" as her genial demeanour went out the window when playing Poker; Miss Hardbroom was "Sharky Shark Hardbroom" as her bite was worse than her bark; Miss Drill was "Five Stud Drill" as she played her games very systematically and Miss Bat's name changed weekly.

"Must we continue to use these abhorrent names for each other?" Miss Hardbroom moaned.

"Yes, Sharky Shark, we must!"

"So what is your name this week, Miss Bat?" Miss Drill asked.

"Miss Davina 'Texas Hold 'Em' Bat!" she exclaimed, emphasising each word as much as the other whilst assuming a Superman pose.

"And where did you come up with that?"

"Well, I decided I'd learn the rules," she began, "so I might win for once," she said in more of a whisper.

"But we play five card draw, Miss Bat, not Texas Hold 'Em," Drill told her.

Miss Bat suddenly looks as if she's about to burst into tears.

"Oh no!" she moaned as she's about to run for the cupboard.

"Now, now, Miss Bat. Now's not the time for the cupboard," Miss Cackle began, "how about a lovely fresh rose?" she offered, pointing at a vase of freshly picked flowers.

"You shouldn't encourage her!" Hardbroom snapped.

"Just leave it, Miss Hardbroom," Miss Cackle replied.

Meanwhile, Miss Bat had the flowers in her hand and had put them all into a bowl. She took the bowl of sugar and sprinkled a light amount on each flower. Miss Hardbroom scoffed as she picked up her five cards.

"So ladies, who would like to open the betting?" Miss Cackle asked, looking shiftily from her cards to the teachers.

"I will," Miss Drill mused, staring intently at her cards.

The teachers didn't play with poker chips or money. Before going in they would be allowed prepare twenty pieces of paper with something written on them. It could be something good or something bad. It was Miss Bat's idea of making the game more interesting. There was a rule that there could only be five bad things, maximum per teacher, and they could only have five good things also, randomness was allowed for the other five.

"I bet seven nights of dorm duty to be given to the winner's chosen teacher," Miss Drill said, tentatively putting the piece of paper on the table.

Miss Bat began giggling quietly.

"Is something funny, Miss Bat?" Imogen asked.

"Seven nights of dorm duty! It's just so boring!" Miss Bat scoffed.

"Well then, let's see what you have to offer," Miss Drill said calmly.

Miss Bat rummaged through the pile of paper without even looking at her cards.

"Ah!" she exclaimed, placing a piece in the middle. Miss Hardbroom read it out loud.

"The holder of this must take a dare from Fenella and Griselda!" Miss Hardbroom exclaimed, "Miss Cackle, say something!"

"I'm afraid, in the spirit of the game, we must be fair and not revoke bets," Miss Cackle said, eying up her cards, "and just as I had a good hand too!" she moaned, "I fold," she said softly, putting down her cards.

"Well I bet one cleaning of the entire potions lab," she proclaimed proudly, placing the paper in the centre.

"Alright then, Miss Bat, would you like some new cards?" Miss Drill asked.

"Why do I need new cards?"

"It's the game," Miss Drill told her.

"And please address me as Davina Texas Hold 'Em Bat!"

"How many new cards would you like?" Miss Drill asked again, growing impatient.

"Uhm...the rest of the deck? Then I can't lose!"

"No, Davina," Miss Drill groaned, "You can only have one to five new cards."

"Oh! Well, I'll take three then, Five Stud Drill!"

Imogen rolled her eyes as she handed over three cards. She held out her hand to take three cards from Miss Bat. Davina snapped them away, glaring at Drill.

"What are you doing?"

"Taking three of your cards!"

"But they're mine! Callous Cackle, Five Stud Drill is cheating!"

"No, Miss Bat, those are the rules. You take three cards and you give three of your cards."

"Oh! Okay!"

Davina rummages through her hand of eight cards and finally chooses three and hands them to Imogen.

"Goodness no! Davina exclaimed. Miss Hardbroom sighed deeply, "what is it THIS TIME, Davina?"

"I gave back the cards I'd just gotten!"

Nobody replies to the woman's battiness. "New cards, Constance?"

"No thank you, Miss Drill," Miss Hardbroom replied confidently.

"I'll fold," Miss Drill said, placing down her hand of cards.

"I'll bet a day to be spent with Chief Wizard Hellibore," Miss Hardbroom said, placing down her cards.

Miss Bat began folding her cards, not even acknowledging it's her go.

"Miss Bat?" Miss Cackle called.

She looks up, "Yes Miss Cackle?"

"What are you doing with the cards?"

"I'm folding."

"You just place the cards on the table, Miss Bat, you don't have to fold them," Miss Cackle smiled genially, amused by the woman's utter innocence.

She does as she's told. Miss Hardbroom grins smugly as she takes the pieces of paper into her own pile. Davina snatches her cards to see what she had.

"Callous Cackle, Sharky-Shark Hardbroom is cheating!"

"I am not!" Constance cried in her defence.

"Why would you accuse Constance of such a thing, Miss Bat?"

"IT'S DAVINA TEXAS HOLD 'EM BAT!"

Awkward silence.

"She's got useless cards! My hand is better than hers! Give me those!" she shrieked in the highest possible tone of voice.

"It's called bluffing, Miss Bat and if you don't let go of my winnings I'll lock you out of your cupboard."

"It's cheating!" Miss Bat cried, tears falling like a waterfall.

"No it isn't, Davina. Bluffing is the art of tricking the other player," Miss Drill explained.

"And you were silly enough to fall for it," Miss Hardbroom added, unable to hide her satisfaction.

"REALLY!" Miss Bat shrieked an octave higher than one would think humanly possible before running for her cupboard and locking herself away from the real world. She opened them after a few moments.

"No yaks milk for you Constance HARDbroom!" she shouted before locking herself away again.

Miss Cackle and Miss Hardbroom share an uneasy glance.

_**I started writing this ages ago but was unhappy with it so cast it aside but I read it tonight and quite enjoyed what I'd done so far so I decided to finish it. Hope you all liked it! Please review and let me know what you think! I'll be doing a second part to this, and another chapter (circumstances leading from this, you'll see ;) after this but let me know what chapter you'd prefer after those). Thanks! xXx**_


	9. Teacher Poker, Part II

_**Much apologies for the slow update, and I shall not bore you with my ramblings so I'll jump straight into the story. Reviews welcome and appreciated. ^_^**_

**Chapter 9:**

**Teacher Poker Pt. II**

Miss Cackle was standing by the cupboard, leaning against it gently.

"Miss Bat, Amelia began, "I'm sure we didn't mean to laugh at your pokey-pokey-poker song, it was really rather good."

"Does that mean you want to see the dance?" Miss Bat asked hopefully.

Miss Cackle exchanged a sheepish look with the rest of the staff, "of course, Davina!"

Miss Bat burst forth from the cupboard. She began a series of erratic and spontaneously choreographed dance moves, much to the bemusement of the staff.

"Pokey-pokey-poker!" she began singing in a husky tone, "Smokey-pokey-poker!" She wailed in a much higher pitch.

Before she could continue, the staffroom door burst open and in walked the Grand Wizard.

"Good day, ladies!" he beamed.

"Hello, Your Honour! What a wonderful surprise. We weren't expecting you!" Amelia exclaimed.

"Hardly surprising when one doesn't knock on the door before entering abruptly," Constance said coolly. He doesn't take the hint.

"So what are you ladies up to?"

"Playing poker, Your Honour. Would you like to join us?"

"Yes, I'd be delighted!" he giggled, "I'll show you how to play a good, proper, wizardly game of poker."

Constance and Amelia share "the look". The one where Miss Hardbroom is cussing at Amelia and Amelia is telling Miss Hardbroom to pipe down.

Miss Drill, who was glaring at the crusty old windbag, dealt out the cards.

"I say, what a big one!" he exclaimed, beaming. Davina giggled like a school girl. Everyone looked at her abruptly.

"Something funny, Davina?" Amelia asked.

"What are we betting with, ladies?" he asked.

"Forfeits, Your Honour," she replied, "which can be good or bad for the holder."

"Ah, I see!" he said, casting a spell with his staff, putting many pieces of paper in front of him.

"I bet my autograph," he grinned "I'm sure you'd be jolly happy to get one."

"I fold," each lady said in unison, putting down their cards.

"You see, had you been a wizard, you'd have been in with a chance."

Some time passed and the ladies grew weary of Egbert's vain bets which nobody wanted.

"I bet a clip of my beard and my finest picture," he said. "I must ask, where do the cards come into this?" he asked. They all folded again.

When Miss Drill dealt the cards, Miss Bat went first.

"I bet that Egbert HeliBORE stops betting about himself and gives us all a decent chance to play!" she screamed, octaves above a normal human screams before taking refuge in the cupboard.

"The back stairs," Miss Cackle informed him quickly.

"Ah," he mused.

"Uh…I bet that Miss Bat give up her cupboard for a week," Amelia bet.

"I bet one stock taking of the potions lab," Constance grinned, placing her bet.

"I bet that Amelia gives up cream cakes and other confectionaries for a whole month," Imogen said.

Miss Cackle's eyes almost pop out as the violins from the shower scene in Psycho began playing.

"Eeee! Eeee! Eeee! Eeee! Eeee! Eeee! Eeee! Eeee!" they played.

"Miss Bat, cease making that infernal racket," Constance complained.

"Sorry," she murmured, putting down her violin and sitting down with them again.

"How many cards would you like, Your Honour? You can have up to five."

"Jolly good! I will have five cards, please."

"He looks at his new cards and frowns. Miss Bat takes his old cards.

"What do you think you're doing!" he snapped, trying to snatch his cards back.

"You can't have them! Miss! Egbert is cheating!"

"I am not! I am a Wizard and don't need to cheat against mere Witches!"

"You are cheating HeliBORING! You're only allowed five cards!"

"HeliBORING! Of all the impertinence! Miss….Miss Flat! Because you sing Flat!"

"Ugh!" she shrieked.

"Don't get upset, Miss Bat," Amelia said softly.

"Think about nice things, Davina," Miss Bat said, "The Hills are alive with the sound of music!" she sang in rather a high pitch.

"I bet that Miss Flat stops singing," Egbert said, throwing a new piece of paper into the centre.

"You can't bet yet!" Davina cried, bursting toward her cupboard.

"What a rude lady," he mused, I don't think I quite fancy playing anymore," he said, putting down his cards.

"Oh, dear," Amelia replied, in an unintentionally disingenuous nature.

"I must get back to Camelot College," he began, getting up, "nice seeing….most of you…" he said as he left.

"I rather think we should give up playing poker for today," she said, putting the cards away. "Rather, I think I'll see would Mrs. Cosie like a game of poker," she said, looking around sheepishly before leaving.

_**Okay, I really don't like that ending but I've been sitting down for three nights now, trying to come up with something but zilch. =/ If anyone has any ending ideas, please do let me know and I'll credit you once I re-edit. Please review and tell me what you think. Thanks for reading! **_


	10. Nobody Likes Imogen

_**Just thought this would be funny when applied to the Worst Witch! Reviews would be greatly appreciated! **_

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Worst Witch. That privilege belongs to Jill Murphy, with the additional characters belonging to the writers of the TV adaptation. Also, I don't own the general plot outline - the Simpson's hold that privilege. **

**Nobody Likes Imogen:**

It was, as usual, the Chief Wizard's fault. How dare he even have the notion of trying to teach the girls when they were trying to sleep. It was the unholy hour of eleven o' clock in the morning, the girls wanted to do nothing only sleep. How dare he try to disturb them!

They were in the Great Hall enduring one of his long lectures. Some of them were slumped over, faces in laps, while others were leaning on the nearest girl's shoulder.

"Avast, I cried!" he cried dramatically, moving sharply towards the front row, who didn't even flinch.

It was only then that he realised that they were all asleep.

"Bloody kids …" he murmured as he approached a nearby desk. He slammed his staff on it, with the students snapping awake.

"What time is it?"

"Oh, God … he's still here …"

And such murmurs began to fill the room.

"Ladies, do pay attention! It's not often you get the grandeur of a Wizard upon you!"

"I've had no one on me lately …" Davina murmured.

Mildred readjusted her gaze and fixed it on Fenella and Griselda who were magically hanging Baz and Gaz upside-down from a tree.

"Wasn't anyone even listening?! You, girl!" he snapped at Mildred, who was looking out of the window.

She fixed her gaze quickly upon him.

"What are you smiling about?"

"She was daydreaming about smooching Merlin!" Drusilla exclaimed.

"Mildred likes Merlin!" a chorus of girls sang.

"She does not!" cried Charlie, jumping to her defence.

"Charlie likes Mildred!"

"He does not!" cried Maud.

"Maud likes Charlie!"

"She does not!"

"Helliboring likes Maud!"

"Helliboring!?" he snapped.

"He does not!"

"Algernon likes Helliboring!"

"He does not!"

"Miss Bat likes Rowan Webb!"

"She does not!"

"Mrs. Tapioca likes Miss Bat!"

"She does not!"

"Frank likes Mrs. Tapioca!"

"He does not!"

"Drusilla likes Frank!"

"She does not!"

"Ethel likes Drusilla!"

"She does not!"

"Miss Hardbroom likes Ethel!"

"She does not!"

"Miss Drill likes Miss Hardbroom!"

There was nothing.

Silence…

…

…

"Nobody likes Miss Drill!"

She slumped into her seat in a huff.

"Miss Cackle likes Mrs. Cosie!"

"I only like her buns!"


	11. Letters

_**Thank you so much for the kind reviews thus far! Much-appreciated! This idea has been bugging me for a while, so I shall now post it. Hope you enjoy it!**_

_**Note: Set in Mildred & Co.'s Fourth Year**_

**Chapter 11:**

**Letters**

'_Egbert Hellibore thought wizards were better than witches in every way. Miss Cackle said no. She said that women can cook better than men. He said no. Then she suggested a competition. He said fine. Both meals were inedible and the teachers, along with a few students, went out for a meal together. The End,' _Davina wrote in her diary.

"My prose is really coming along!" she beamed, clapping her hands together.

The entire staff of Cackle's Academy (including the catering and caretaking staff), along with Mildred & Co., Charlie, Fenella and Griselda, Ethel and Drusilla were seated at a huge round table, seated with Egbert Hellibore, Algernon Rowan Webb, Baz, Gaz and Merlin.

"Mildred," began Maud, "we don't mean to tease you or anything, but we just want an honest answer. _Do_ you like Merlin?"

"No!" Mildred exclaimed.

"We know you do!" snapped Enid.

"We were just thinking if you told him … that it mightn't be a bad thing …" Maud smiled.

"Well I can't tell him because I would have to feel something first, wouldn't I?"

"Look Millie, I've written out a letter that you could sent him. He just _couldn't_ refuse you with this."

"Give me that!" Mildred snapped, leaning over Jadu to get to her.

"Quick, Grizz, take it!" Enid giggled, quickly tossing it to Griselda.

"What is the meaning of this!?" Constance ordered, halting the fight.

"I want that letter, Miss Hardbroom!"

"What letter?"

"Mildred's love letter to Merlin, Miss!" Enid beamed.

"It's not! She wrote it!"

"Don't bother trying to get out of it now, Mildred. Give me that letter."

Griselda placed the said letter into her outstretched hand.

"This behaviour is appalling! And I will not have you behaving in such a way in front of the Chief Wizard! I shall inform him of your paramour, Mildred Hubble."

"Oh no!" Mildred moaned, face in hands.

"Can't be that bad," Maud assured her, then turning to Enid, "can it?"

* * *

"This is something I think you should see," she said to Egbert, handing him the note.

"What's that?" Algernon beamed, as Constance took her seat.

"A letter from Hardbroom," he replied as he opened it.

_Dear Sexy-Hunky Spunk-Muffin, _

_I think you are simply gorgeous! Your ears aren't the only big thing of yours I want to see tonight! When the dinner is finished, I don't want dessert - I want you! Please bring ice-cream so that I may lick it off of your face. _

_Yours Always, _

_Sex Kitten._

"Are you alright, Egbert?" enquired Algernon, "you seem a little pale."

"Give me a pen…"

"Why?"

"Give me a pen, Goddammit!"

He handed him what he wished and the man started writing with precision.

"Waitress?" he called, and the lady arrived.

"Would you please give this to the third person to the right?" he pointed in that general direction.

"Of course!"

* * *

"What is that matter with you, Constance? You look quite grave."

"I smell bat repellent," she whispered.

"Who would have-?"

"Mistress Broomhead!" she exclaimed, diving underneath the table.

The waitress looked around and the third person from the right (with Constance's absence) was Frank.

"Who sent this?" enquired Frank.

"The one with the white hair."

* * *

"Can you feel something brushing against your legs, Algie?"

"I dare say I can, Egbert."

They both bent down to look underneath the table.

* * *

Only Miss Cackle had white hair.

"Wonder why Miss Cackle sent me a note," mused Frank, opening it.

_Dear Sex Kitten, _

_I've been waiting for this day for so long! I knew that you only stayed in the Academy for our occasional meetings. I've seen the way you look at me. You love me! I really can't blame you. I would be honoured for you to lick my face tonight. I cannot wait for it! I was wondering if I should wear a shorter dress - so that you may enjoy my long, masculine, hairy legs. Let me know what you think! _

_Hot Regards,_

_Sexual Coffee_

"That is well-bad!" laughed Frank.

"What is it?" Charlie enquired.

"Give me a pen, Charlie."

* * *

"Mistress Broomhead!" beamed Amelia, standing up and shaking her hand. "It is a pleasure! How would you like to join us?"

"I suppose if I must. It would save me wasting tyme **(not a typo! It's phonetic!)** looking for another table."

She sat down. "Where's Constance?"

"Currently indisposed, Mistress Broomhead."

* * *

"Waiter?" called Frank, "could you please give this to the lady at the other side of the table?"

He arrived at the other side of the table and was torn between giving it to Imogen or Amelia. He went with Imogen.

"Letter, Miss."

"Thank you."

_Dear Sexual Coffee, _

_There is nothing that I would like more than to lick your irresistible face. I was rather thinking you could wear no skirt tonight, and maybe just wear some edible underwear for good measure. I love hairy legs, so I would especially love yours. Meet me in the ladies at half past five and we'll get it together. _

_Yours Always, _

_Kinky Bitch. _

"Excuse me, waiter? Who sent the note?"

"Le person over there, Madame," he smiled, leaving.

She looked over and saw that Constance had just gotten out from under the table. Embarrassed, Constance raised her glass courteously. Imogen retorted.

"Finally!" she beamed, grabbing a pen and writing a quick note.

"Algernon, will you pass this to Miss Hardbroom, please?"

"Yes, Miss Drill. Gaz, would you mind passing this to Miss Hardbroom?"

He shrugged his shoulders, then passing it discreetly to Constance.

"Letter from Rowan Webb, Miss."

_Dear Kinky Bitch, _

_I look forward to meeting you in the ladies tonight. I think it is time I told you that I have wanted you since I first set my eyes upon you. I thought you were beautiful and I still do - you scare me, however. Still, I find it riveting. I'm not into 'that type of thing' but I wouldn't object to handcuffs. _

_Yours Lovingly, _

_Basketball Face. _

Constance snapped her gaze to Algernon, who cast her a warm smile.

"Of all the nerve," Constance muttered angrily under her breath. She wasted no time in chucking the note into the bin.

* * *

"Hardbroom looks pretty pissed," Griselda whispered.

"It might have something to do with that letter," Fenella suggested, pointing at the bin. Discreetly, the both slipped away from the table and read the said note.

"Who on earth sent that?!"

"Miss Drill, I think. Who else would call themselves basketball face? Maybe we should write back," Griselda grinned.

"I like how you think, Griselda, I like how you think."

They both composed a note together and resumed their seats.

"Oh, oh. Broomhead's watching."

"So? Just chuck it over to Miss Drill."

"Fine, three, two, one," and she threw it.

However, Amelia reached out for the prawn cracker bowl at the same time, and it rebounded from her arm right in front of Mistress Broomhead. Oh dear!

"A note?" Heckety said to herself, putting on her reading glasses.

_Dear Kink-Faced Whore,_

_I think you are too sexy for my cat! It's been many a night that I've been watching you in your bedroom. Voyeurism is my favourite hobby, y'know! That time you thought you heard a bat when you were in the shower, was actually me watching you. I think you have a lovely nose. You have the kind of nose that I would like to rub off of mine. I cannot wait for us to make a more casual meeting, because I would like to bounce your balls with you. I will love you forever and want you forever, _

_Yours, _

_Hardbroom Shake-Shakes your room! _

Heckety slowly glared up at Constance. If looks could kill, she would have been served for dessert. Constance shuddered upon the glance and smiled awkwardly.

"How do you do, Mistress Broomhead?"

"Do what?! I will not be doing anything with you, Constance Hardbroom! It would not only be a waste of tyme, but an absolute disgrace! And for your information, I do not have balls of any description! And I had nightmares over that bat, you bat-faced little scutt! Ugh!" and she dematerialised.

Constance looked grave.

"Constance?" began Amelia.

"I have no idea…" she stuttered.

"Oh is that the time!?" Imogen exclaimed, "half-five?! I must be using the ladies!" she practically shouted, running for her life.

Constance watched as Algernon giggled merrily.

"Oh, do shut up, you pervert!"

_**If only we could all live in a slapstick world! I had so much fun writing this, that I will post other letter ones in the future of similar layout, if you'd like to see more. Hope you enjoyed! Cheers! **_


	12. Drinking Songs

_**Thanks for the reviews thus far! Really appreciate them! I really heard the featured song quite by accident. Epic song, check it out. =) I should probably be writing by University essays that I'm quite behind in, but this is more preferable. **_

**Disclaimer: I do not own the song 'Release the Bats', that privilege belongs to 'The Birthday Party'.**

**Chapter 12: **

**Drinking Songs:**

My dear reader, I could begin by foreshadowing all of the events that led to this strange November evening. I could bore you with needless details as to how Camelot College came to host a party for the girls of Cackle's Academy. I shall be nice, however, and not torture you with boring drivel. All you really need know was that there was a party and that it was awesome.

Next point, oh dear, yes, the actual party. Okay, I could go on for page after page and words into the thousands about what actually happened at the party - but for the purpose of ambiguity and maintaining the interest of my readership I will keep that information from you. All that you need to know really was that Amelia somehow managed to persuade Constance to enjoy a nice glass of punch. But 'teeheehee!' as my Grandmother used to giggle, the party truly took a turn for the bizarre. You see, Enid got bored … and Fenella got bored … and Griselda got bored, and in wanting to put a bit of spirit into the party they spiked the punch with alcohol. Yummy! And if that wasn't worthy of filming the bloody thing for Youtube, the spiteful Baz and Gaz (in a drunken stupor, referred to by one girl as 'Spaz and Spaz') also spiked the punch.

The party was CRAZY and any girl who did not drink any punch (which included Mildred & Co. and Fenella and Griselda, for they knew of the plans) was in for some fun. First thing was first and they got a picture of Imogen's black eye (as received when she got too touchy-feely with the Deputy Head) and Amelia wearing the stolen hat belonging to Egbert. They stumbled over each other into the Academy, and teachers and students alike, somehow managed to remember that they planned to convene in the Great Hall after their return.

"I feel so free … A … A … Cackle!" Constance slurred, "I feel so free! Free like never before! Free like a … a fish! A fish in the vast oceans! Yeah, a fish!"

"Constance, I wanted to tell you, you, you, you, th- this before," Amelia struggled, "but I think you're a bad-tempered frigid tree!"

"And you, A … Amelia … are so old that … that I bet … I bet …" and she burst into laughter.

"I really think both of your behaviour is out-of-order," Davina scolded, tending to Imogen's nose.

Oh, yes. I almost forgot. Davina turned normal under the influence of alcohol. She was actually a rational, thinking, human being.

Constance blew a raspberry at her and bent over in laughter with Amelia - both were in a ball on the floor.

"STAGE DIVE, BITCHES!" Imogen bellowed, diving from the stack of chairs in the corner. And like a plague of locusts, they cleared well out of her way.

CLANK! she went on the floor.

"Just what she's always wanted!" giggled Constance, "diving into a group of girls!"

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Amelia giggled hysterically, "it's funny because she's butch!"

And like crows on crack, the pair cackled in a strange 'cawing' sound.

"That bitch ruined my life!"

"Imogen?"

"No. Broom … brush … chimney … what's her name? Broomface! That's it!"

"Broomhead …"

"Broomhead, yes, that tall, lanky devil-worshiper with a whip!"

"BOO!" Amelia exclaimed.

"What?"

"I'm Agatha Cackle."

"Death! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!" Constance screamed, jumping up and down on the spot.

"I'm only joking!" Amelia laughed more like a hyena this time.

"I'm gonna … I'm gonna call her. Yeah I'm gonna tell that bitch to come here and things are going down! Get me a microphone girls, and really, really BIG speakers! And I want … I want someone to play the guitar, and someone to play bass guitar, and someone to bang the drums hard! You got it?! And someone get me some popcorn! Salted popcorn! If you bring me any of that butter rubbish I'll throw you out of the window!"

Her will was done. And soon later Heckety arrived. She let herself in and when she burst through the doors of the Great Hall, a little first year started playing a double bass (which was much bigger than her, incidentally).

**A:N/ I really recommend you check out the song for this. Makes more sense as the music sounds manic in itself. **

Constance seized a microphone, and jumped upon a custom stage. She had town her dress and applied mascara and eyeliner. She looked like a freakin' Goth!

"_Whooah bite!" _she screamed.  
"_Whooah bite!"_

"Constance?!" bellowed Heckety.

"_Release the bats! release the bats!  
__Don't tell me that it doesn't hurt!  
__A hundred fluttering in your skirt!  
__(don't tell me that it doesn't hurt)!"_

"Argh!" screamed Heckety, "I dewn't lyek byats!"

During the introductory verse, Amelia cast a charm that had tens of bats flying all over and around Heckety. The woman was wailing and gyrating, jumping up and down and wiggling parts of her body she hadn't known existed before that.

"Shake that thang!" Amelia shouted over.

"_My baby is alright.  
__She doesn't mind a bit of dirt."_

They fling buckets of mud on the woman.

_She says 'horror vampire bat bite'  
__She says 'horror vampire  
__How I wish those bats would bite'  
__Whooah bite! Bite!"_

A fury of bats began taking nips out of her outfit and one stole her hat.

"My hat! That cost me a fortune on e-bay! It was one of a kind! Urgh!"

"_Release the bats! release the bats!  
__Pump them up and explode the things  
__Her legs are chafed by sticky wings  
__(sticky sticky little things)."_

"I do not lyek sticky things, Constance!"

"So said the Grand Wizard!" Amelia retorted.

"_My baby is a cool machine  
__She moves to the pulse of her generator  
__Says damn that sex supreme.  
__She says damn that horror bat  
__Sex vampire, cool machine."_

During this verse, Constance began doing the moonwalk right down to Heckety. A chorus of girls sang 'Bats! Bats!" in a whispered hush in the background. Imogen wasted no time in joining Constance in the moonwalk, and tried to wrap her arm around her hip.

"This is MY show!" Constance shouted, pushing Imogen straight on top of Heckety.

"Rape! Rape!" she screamed, "who is this vile little man!?"

"_Release the bats! release the bats!  
__Release them!"_

Many bats picked up Heckety by her clothes and held her in the air.

"Nooooooooooo!" she cried.

"_Baby is a cool machine  
__She moves to the pulse of her generator  
__Says damn that sex supreme.  
__She says, she says damn that horror bat  
__Sex horror sex bat sex sex horror sex vampire  
__Sex bat horror vampire sex  
__Cool machine  
__Horror bat. bite!  
__Cool machine. bite!  
__Sex vampire. Bite!"_

They manically threw her around the room, each group of bats passing her from one to another, before they settled by swinging her by her feet in circles in the middle of the Great Hall, hitting her head off of the ceiling.

"My lovely head!" she cried.

The song ended. The stitches gave way and her clothes tore completely to shreds. The woman fell … wearing nothing but her underwear.

"Argh!" she screamed, attempting to cover her 'unmentionables'.

"I will get you for this Constance Hardbroom! Heed my warning!" she screamed, pointing like the evil monkey in Chris Griffin's closet before running from the Great Hall, being chased by many a bat.

"You got all that, didn't you?" Fenella asked Griselda, who was holding a camcorder.

"Didn't miss a thing."


End file.
